In 13 years I'm going to be sitting here feeling the exact same as I am now - bewildered and amazed by this glowing light of pure oblivion that yes, not only do I have a daughter, but she is growing and getting older and 99% of the time I'm not at all okay with it. Yet, she's growing and learning and proud of herself every step of the way. Of course I am too, but I also look at her squishy lips and dimpled cheeks and think, "Please, please! Just don't grow up." How I deeply wish she will remember these years where we are friends the majority of the time and she wants my love and affection. Oh how I need my patience to grow in order to accept all that 3-year-old loving goodness.
We've been talking to Sadee about her birthday all week. She'll proudly tell you that she will be 3 (or sometimes 4). At bedtime, she always makes me lay in bed next to her - both of our heads on her pillow and our noses almost touching. She smiles when I sing her a song and always sings along (or at least mouth's the words). Tonight we discussed that her birthday is tomorrow and she's completely giddy about it! We looked each other in the eyes and I kissed her cheeks and she giggled and wiggled away. I asked her if she would stay 2 forever. She laughed and said no. I asked her if she would just stay little and be my baby forever. She laughed and said no. I asked her if we would always be friends and if she would let me kiss her when she's older. She laughed and said yes. I laughed and kissed her cheeks again and then she told me to get out of her bed. Yeah... some things will never change, right?!
It makes me happy knowing that she recognizes the joy in growing older and that it's exciting to move on to the next step, to learn more and get big enough to do something new. I'm proud of her constant determination, curiosity and fearlessness.
To my Sadee: You are THREE tomorrow! You are excited to get presents and have "that cake that nana had last year" with purple candles. You've asked specifically for 5 candles. You are excited to be "phree" and to sing Happy Birthday. I love you! I love everything you are and can be and will be. I love the sparkle you carry in your eyes and the way you make everyone (especially strangers) feel valued and happy. I hope you always feel valued and happy, too! I feel lucky to be your momma and be on this journey with you. As always, be kind. Kindness can take you further than anything else. I love you forever and ever! - Momma
Happy, happy birthday!